Artiste Manqué
I have been applying for jobs for the last four months and the rejections and “no” responses were the only correspondence I was receiving. Needless to say, it was demotivating. Many times, I would feverishly apply and imagine myself in these places, only to lose interest at some point and pause. This process forced me to reflect a lot and search for meaning. In coaching and alone, I healed through many upsets, although I just realized what was truly missing in my healing. What was reflected in my reality was a sense of not feeling valued and appreciated. The feeling of being invisible and unimportant was coming to the forefront. With the nudge of a coach, I addressed appreciation toward myself this past weekend, and the more I felt into it, the more I could clearly see it.
The word “appreciation” comes from the Latin root appretiāre, which means “to set a price to” or “to value.”
So, originally appreciation had a commercial or evaluative sense (“to set a price on”), but over time it evolved into a relational and emotional one — “to recognize the worth, beauty, or goodness” of someone or something.
In other words, the word’s journey mirrors a shift from measuring value → to feeling value.
If we look at the etymology again, appreciation comes from ad (“toward”) + pretium (“price, value”). Literally, it means “to move toward value.” So when I speak of a lack of appreciation of myself, I am naming a distance from my own inherent worth — a kind of inward turning away from pretium, from my own value.
This inner movement (or absence of it) can subtly shape the outer world. When I don’t move toward my own value, others, such as potential employers, often mirror that back — not out of malice, but as part of the energetic field of perception and resonance.
It’s not about “blaming myself” for others’ responses, but about seeing how self-appreciation is the root note that others unconsciously tune to. When you reclaim the act of valuing yourself, you restore the natural circulation of appreciation — the inward and outward flow of seeing, honoring, and being seen.
If appreciation means moving toward value, then my current exploration invites the question:
What has “value” meant for me so far — especially in my professional life?
For many of us, value has been unconsciously equated with performance, recognition, or usefulness to others. We come to believe our worth is conditional — proven through achievement or external validation. That’s the “price” part of pretium: our inner system learns to appraise itself like a commodity, not a soul.
But true appreciation — both inner and outer — emerges when we begin to shift from conditional worth to inherent worth. This shift changes not only how you see yourself but also how the world perceives and receives you.
The artiste manqué — the “failed” or unrealized artist — embodies precisely the tension between inherent worth and conditional worth.
The artist manqué lives under the illusion that their worth depends on expression fulfilled — that if the work isn’t completed, shown, or celebrated, something essential is missing in them.
But inherent worth says:
“The divine impulse itself — the yearning to create — is already sacred. The form it takes, or fails to take, does not define me.”
The ache of the artist manqué comes from identifying worth with manifestation, rather than with being.
It is the pain of measuring the infinite by what becomes visible.
That yearning to create — to bring forth beauty, meaning, or truth — is not wrong.
It’s holy energy. But its completion isn’t what grants worth; it’s what reveals worth.
When you remember your inherent worth, creation becomes play, not proof. Expression becomes prayer, not performance.
Then, even when the art is unfinished, even when silence replaces form, you are whole — because the creative fire itself is God moving through you.
The artist manqué says, “I am not enough because I have not made enough.”
The artist awake says, “My worth is unshaken; creation is my joy, not my justification.”
I have been moving toward fully embodying the artist awake and stepping into my inherent worth by paying attention to the language I use to undermine myself and consciously reshaping it to reflect my value. I am learning to live from that place —
to speak to myself with reverence, to soften the language that dims my light, and to choose words that mirror my true worth. It is a work in progress, but I am already seeing the results— a gentle unlearning of self-doubt and a remembering of grace.
Yet even now, I can feel the shift like morning light returning after a long night.
And you, Dear One, will you offer some love and appreciation to yourself and step tenderly toward the beauty of your own value?
