Fairness

Leave it to our places of employment to take us on downward spirals.

I left the university almost a year ago, and I still feel the aftereffects. One image, one subtle reminder, and I am right back in that familiar place, feeling unseen, undervalued, unrecognized. Of course, I know these moments act as mirrors. So I turn inward, almost instinctively now. Yet, some part of me still feels unseen, unrecognized, unappreciated.

I meet her there.

I give her all the love I can summon and gently hold her hand as I tell her: I see you. I value you. You are worthy. You are enough.

Peace comes. It always does.

And yet, something in me still wants to understand: What is fair anger, and what is simply a mirror? Can they coexist?

Originally, fairness was closer to beauty and harmony than to strict justice. Only later did it become tied to equality, impartiality, and ethical treatment. Embedded in the word is an older intuition: what is truly fair is not only just, it is also fitting, balanced, even beautiful.

If you pursue beauty as if your life depends on it, you begin to sense when something strays from it.

So what do we do in those moments? Do we rush in to correct the imbalance? Or do we run away from it as fast as we can?

My intuition says: neither. You return to yourself. By restoring balance within, you step out of both victimhood and escape. That, in itself, is a beautiful movement.

But another question remains: If fairness implies impartiality, how do we remain outwardly neutral while something churns within us? We restore peace internally. That is the only place we have real agency, how we show up for ourselves.

So when something arises and brings me back to that familiar feeling of powerlessness, I try to meet it differently. I name it: There is anger within me. (Not: I am angry.) This distinction matters. As long as I do not identify with the anger, I am already moving upward. Identification gives the feeling force. Yes, a part of me feels anger, but it is only a part. It is not the whole. That part does not need suppression. It needs recognition. It needs love. It needs beauty, and wherever there is beauty, love follows.

When I move through this process, something shifts. What once felt like a trigger becomes a return. A remembering.

And sometimes, I even feel gratitude. Not because everything that happened was fair in the worldly sense, but because everything can be met in a way that restores wholeness.