Fully Human/Fully Divine
Sometimes, I feel upsets potently but don’t always realize what message they carry until I sit down and feel my feelings. I look into “the mirror” genuinely and recognize what is happening underneath the surface reaction.
Humans are powerful mirrors, especially the ones we care about most. I recently noticed that my love toward people appears to increase or decrease based on their behavior or state of being. My reactions are strongly tied to my historical traumas and hurts. When I mirrored that, I sensed that my love toward myself is also dependent on the way I show up.
I clearly love my Divine Self wholeheartedly, but show up with judgement toward my Human Self, and then I feel the split. My life oriented toward the Divine some time ago, and since then I have tried to live in truth, in love, in consciousness. Yet, my human personality still contains remnants of old emotional wounds, habitual reactions, fears, and conditional responses.
Somewhere along the way, the “spiritual judge” was born. An inner voice that whispers, “You should be beyond this.” It appears when anger or fear arise, jealousy shows up, or old wounds get triggered.
I felt it recently. Someone I love was present with me, and something small, a tone, a look, a barely-there signal, triggered an old story. Within moments I was edgy, snappy, unreachable. I couldn't find love for them, and I didn't like myself much either. The spiritual judge arrived immediately: "You should be beyond this by now." And underneath that — shame. A feeling of being dirty, unkind, small. It wasn't until I sat quietly the next morning that I could see what had actually happened. The trigger had nothing to do with them. It was history speaking. And the harshness I felt toward myself — that was the same split I'd turned outward.
In this pursuit of raising my consciousness, the personality is not meant to be destroyed. It is meant to be seen, understood, and gradually harmonized. The upsets are the material on the path, not the obstacles. Without them, there would be nothing to transform. Mary Magdalene, in the gospel that bears her name, understood this: the spiritual path is not escape from our humanity but its transformation.
My Divine Self acts like a caring parent. It brings awareness and compassion to the Human Self. Noticing the split is a doorway. Seeing it clearly allows it to gradually heal and unify.
Seeing+presence →transformation
Judging →tightening+constriction+fragmentation
We are both Fully Human and Fully Divine, and it is a process to integrate this reality. Offering ourselves compassion, forgiveness, and unconditional love along the way is the way forward and the way now.
Perhaps the path is not becoming something other than human, but learning to love the human we are becoming.
