Acceptance
Since I departed from the university and arrived in Bulgaria, I have explored many different timelines. One where I am employed by a non-profit organization; one where I am a creative entrepreneur; one where I go back to what I know in the university environment; and one where I am completely lost and not knowing. The most recent one was focused heavily on applying to university positions in the international education sector. I ventured out of the Midwest and stretched to the East and West Coast, to places that felt prominent and adventurous. I had a couple of hopeful moments that kept me in a state of alive suspense for a few days, but ultimately it ended before it started.
The first opportunity emailed me to ask for my confirmation regarding the salary range. My reaction to it was a red flag (I immediately began envisioning working in an office 9-5, moving through paperwork and staring at a computer mindlessly) that I quickly buried deep within myself. The second one had me spinning in excitement with the signs I was receiving and the emotional support my kids offered. They were rooting for this potentiality, intrigued by the allure of the location.
These two slight glimmers quickly evaporated, and I realized that no matter how much I modify my resume or masterfully craft each cover letter to appeal to each Hiring Committee, the Universe does not see my path in that direction— or perhaps, by applying to prestigious universities, I was seeking validation and overall comfort. Although I realize the limited ceiling of opportunity and growth, the duties feel familiar and the salary appears good enough to support my lifestyle.
The entrepreneurship path was uncertain in terms of finances and direction, so every time I explored it, I quickly negotiated myself out of it. In all the timelines, I experienced some kind of fear. Fear of failure, fear of being an impostor, and fear of scarcity in one— and fears of stagnancy and not complete fulfillment in another.
In the quiet of contemplation, I see that accepting myself requires a creative obedience to the heart. I need to stop following the ego’s need for control and validation— not by retreating into passivity or waiting for a sign but by falling into active surrender. That means treating my heart as an altar and saying “yes” to its subtle nudges before the mind explains them away. It means acting without guarantee; letting beauty guide me; trusting that true alignment is productivity; and allowing the mystery.
To move forward, I had to examine the etymology of the word “acceptance”.
It stems from the latin word accipere which means “to take toward oneself. It implies willingness. It carries a tone of cooperation and humility. In Early Christian tradition, monks and mystics used it to express the soul’s consent to divine will. It was an act of active participation in God’s unfolding. To “accept God’s will” meant not to give up one’s agency but to align it with the Divine flow.
Though the centuries the word morphed into a more external meaning— to accept a proposal, contract, or an invitation. By the 19th century, Emerson and later Jung revived the inner essence of the word: “To accept oneself is to cease resisting one’s own being.” Today, in depth psychology and mindfulness, acceptance has returned to its ancient root meaning: to take toward oneself. Acceptance is the bridge between ego control and divine cooperation. It is opening the inner home’s door. It is the courageous hospitality of the soul— receiving with presence rather than resisting with fear.
This brings me back to the fears lurking around me. I was resisting every timeline with fear of one kind or another. A quote by Einstein whispered in my ear early this morning, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” It spoke to me of my behavioral repetitions. And another one by him, “We can’t solve problems by using the same level of consciousness and same kind of thinking we used when we created them.” This one spoke to me of energetic evolution which might look like this:
Replacing fear of failure with curiosity about growth
Replacing the scarcity mindset with the remembrance that my ideas flow from an Infinite Source
Replacing self-doubt with the simple prayer, “Use me, Lord, as a vessel of your beauty and wisdom” and the remembrance that I am Divine.
I have to accept my Divinity and take toward myself by following the thread not because I know where it ends, but because I trust the Weaver. I choose that willingly and wholeheartedly.
What do you choose?
