On Being Right
Once having made the decision to observe myself, I have mostly recently noticed that many times when I feel strongly about something, I need to explain myself and be right. I know it is okay to feel potently about subjects, but I definitely would like to improve the reactionary behaviors and the tendencies to justify myself, so as usual, I am diving into this well.
What I sense is that this habit stems from a deep-rooted closeness with unworthiness. Somewhere and somehow I was hurt when I wasn’t heard or wasn’t seen. Back then, maybe, I didn’t have the words to clearly express myself and on a lot of occasions I was too shy, or self-evaluating and judging how I would sound or be perceived. What started as feeling unseen resulted in self- deprecation.
I learned that in order to be respected, I had to prove my value with words, with justifications, with rationale about my thinking. I had to demonstrate my worth. Small “I”s can only do small things.
When peace is on the line, convincing others of your point is costly. Why go to that length? It is another occasion of leaking your energy and solidifying the facade of the house. This tendency originates from the faulty assumption that we need external validation. We have to wear our gowns of deceit to show this world we exist and that our beingness has weight.
This inability to welcome other perspectives on themes I feel passionate about is showing me that some of my “I”s are quite inflexible, stubborn, and needy. What is the antidote to this smallness? I feel it is grace. It is groundedness. It is embracing myself without hesitation. It is realizing that freedom lies in inner peace.
How do I get there? By noticing these parts and meeting them with love, until they no longer need to hold their old roles. It is being generous with myself and others and allowing room for forgiveness, compassion, and understanding. It is bidding adieu to arrogance and saying hello to humility. Humility here is not shrinking. It’s standing so firmly in Being that agreement becomes optional. So I go….
